The very thing that is your greatest fear is the very block to your greatest destiny.
I’m afraid of people, a lot. Mainly that they’ll disapprove of me, deem me unworthy, push me around, put me down, hate me. I for whatever reason view the people around me as gods and feel the constant need to appease them, to not make them look at me or judge me. I’m not sure of the origin of this problem of mine. But I’m learning origins of issues aren’t the questions I should be asking. I should be asking, where do I go from here?
And the answer is quite simple. Into the very presence of Jesus.
When you spend a lot of life in church, sometimes the people around you forget this simple answer. They try to find methods for combatting the madness of life. And there’s nothing wrong with the methods, but they aren’t the first answer. The first answer is to invite his presence in. As counterintuitive as it feels to put your hands up when the world around you is spinning, it is actually the only method that grabs the true wheel, the thing that will truly turn our lives another direction.
In the past year, I have put my hands up more than I ever have. I have thrown all my talents and smarts and methods to the side in search of Jesus first. And because of that, this is the healthiest, most fruit producing season ever. Do I have a lot of money? No. Do I have a lot of possessions? No. Do I have worldly success? No. But I have a richness that is eternal, a victory that can’t be stolen.
Yet, in this season of revival in my spirit and in the spirits of those around me, I find this pesky little fear of people spring up. I find that I dull my truths, apologize for my bold words, shrink myself in order to not rock the boat. And that’s not who I actually am. I am a conqueror, a truth speaker, a fearless shaker. I know this because I have seen it, these moments where the light shines through the cracks of my shell and shifts atmospheres. But I am seeking for this spirit to no longer be a rare anomaly in my life but to be my everyday 24/7 reality.
I come from a family of peacekeepers. That’s not a bad thing, necessarily. I had a warm and peaceful upbringing. I know how to diffuse any situation. I can build bridges between the most opposing of sides. But, I can also not speak up when I need to because there’s a voice inside me that says, “Don’t make them uncomfortable. Don’t shake the atmosphere. Keep the calm.”
But God is funny in that he calls us to places outside of the places that others have spoken over us. I was born into an environment that said, “Be a people pleaser. Stay home and be comfortable.” My parents even planned to name me something else besides Alex. But my mom said when I came out, I didn’t look like the name she planned. That is but one of the ways that I’m sure I wasn’t what she planned for. So she and my dad named me Alexandra, which means Defender of Mankind. God has told me that this name is with reason, that it was his choice. I am meant to defend people from evil, with my words, my images, my music, my spirit. I had a dream the other night that I dispelled a demon that was killing everyone I knew in a town by looking in his eyes and daring to believe in Jesus, letting my belief be greater than any fear.
Every story in the Bible points to a God who shows his power and control by working the seemingly impossible into humans lives. The barren has children that outnumber the stars. The man who struggles to speak convinces a leader to let the enslaved people go. The fundamental religious man becomes a wild follower of Christ. All of these miracles scream that God is the God beyond all that we know and can fathom. He is greater, greater, greater.
I am thankful that when life was set up for me to be one way, God spoke and called me in his direction. That my life is harder and more beautiful than anyone could have predicted. For the hard things are the good things, because anything that is truly good costs. Salvation is free. Sanctification costs. And I’ve got all my chips in.
And because of that, I know without a shadow of a doubt, with the kind of faith Peter talks about, the assurance of things not yet seen, I am on my way to being truly bold and truly fearless. Because when God speaks your destiny and you say yes, His word is the final answer to the question of who you are.
